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Entry #1

Entering!!!

2013-05-24 15:18:29 by Ills10
Updated

Hey... Im new to this. Watch my preview and tell me what u think............
http://www.newgrounds.com/projects/movies/680474 /preview


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GallowswaitingGallowswaiting

2013-06-29 18:14:23

Hmmm... Not sure what to think, to be honest.

Your writing was goofy, and it contained a good many spelling errors.

for the record:
(if a letter is capitalized, it's for emphasis)

dimenSion, not "dimention"

skelEton, not "skelton"

goNNa, not "go'nna"

Additionally, you should probably switch that one line from "It has human-like features, but a skeleton in his attire", to "reports are sketchy, but it seems like we're dealing with a skeleton or something." Maybe not exactly like that, mind you, but something a little less strange.

And maybe make Ghost Rider say something a little more threatening than "Let's see you try." Like, I don't know, make some mention of Strider being roasted alive by eternal Hellfire, or having his soul burned away until there's nothing left of him. Or maybe both if you want to be extra crazy.

Other than that, the animation was fantastic-- at least up until Strider just kinda flew off. I'm not really sure what that was about, but this is just a preview, so I'm sure it will get some work.

Overall, I'd say this is quite good.

Ills10 responds:

Thanks for that very useful critcism. I knew the script was off, i ended up loosing it. So, i have to start again. But ur suggestion are very good. I plan on using these characters much better then i have now. Thanks for actually stopping on my page. Much appriciation.


HeartlessKarmaHeartlessKarma

2013-10-31 14:01:04

i'll say this, dialog writing is harder than people think.
if i could refer to my first video, i still hate the dialog in mine.
for the most part, the fight is the drawing factor for a sprite video
and you have pretty good choreography.
hope to see the finished product soon!

Ills10 responds:

Just saw this... Thanks alot. It really is hard. No worries, i will be continuing soon. I'm coming with fire. Loool. Hope you have some animations in store. Keep up the good work.


JoeDragonnJoeDragonn

2014-08-29 17:52:59

Yo, I've just watched your preview, and I'll start off by saying I see much potential in you; however, I am agreeing with HeartlessKarma and Gallowswaiting on the Grammar. See I understand the way you are projecting your grammar but you have to be mindful of others around the globe that might come across your video that's trying to understand English. I've made my first sprite video at with lots of grammar error, its hard to explain. things like trying to emphasize words for expression for example: "Hmm...." the periods indicate a continuation of a sentence that couldn't be finish. Another example on how to do it will be like for example if I was trying to dialog a expression of worry/unsure : incorrect-but....uh...why.. correct: but. uh. why, and express it more with the character's body language or have the another character question. The grammar world is crazy it takes you to over achieve the basic to break grammar rules. Number 1 thing is theirs lots of people who can read your mind like I could, but there's also beyond more who has alternative mindsets.


JoeDragonnJoeDragonn

2014-08-29 17:59:18

Alignment. As I watch your preview I can see that Strider and Command was not on the same level ground unless that was meant? if not, to help that situation you want to create a line to represent where you floor stands. besides that Im looking forward into your finish production, nice fighting and a interesting choice of characters.

Ills10 responds:

Thanks a lot, i understand the grammatical issues of my animation. I made a few changes to it. As it is the first episode. I tend to keep this one a little down-graded because of how old the script is. When i release the others, there will be major changes. Thanks for the advice i will be sure to use it in future projects. :D